Second round of blood tests

So this morning, I got up bright and early for yet another Dr. appointment. This appointment was really to check my progesterone levels (I started the supplements yesterday) and my HCG level.
Side note:
Question: What is considered a normal HCG level? Answer: There is quite a range in what is considered a normal hCG level. In about 85 percent of pregnancies hCG levels will double every two to three days.

Okay, so with that being said, my levels on Monday if you don't remember were 407, today I tested in at 1147! Holy holy! what does that mean?!? My progesterone also went up a little, but not high enough for Dr. Werlin to be pleased, it came in at 19.3. He increased my progesterone to 4 times a day. It's an oral medication so I have my handy blackberry set to remind me a few hours...but I mean really, I have been waiting for this for months, I doubt I could ever forget!
When I was on the phone with Dr. Werlin (hurrah! he is back) he said that I could come in for an ultrasound as early as tomorrow. So guess what, yup, you guessed it, my appointment is tomorrow at 6.45am (I love his hours by the way).
What we could find out tomorrow: how many babies are in there, if there is a yolk sac (I'll explain another time, and if there is a gestational sac. Nothing more than that. Basically, we will see a black hole! I have attached a ultrasound of a total stranger for you all to see. I am not sure if I will get pictures.

I listed this picture of twins, because the inside joke right now is, there are 2 babies growing in my belly! The more the merrier right? although my friends that are mothers would probably say "what careful what you wish for"...lol

Look closely, can you see it, look closer....oh nevermind!

I couldn't help myself!

Okay, so this might be one of the silliest things I have done to date, well maybe not. I think maybe talking to my belly telling the little turtle to dig, dig, dig, might have been a little dopier, but whatever. Anyway, I have taken maybe 100 pregnancy tests over the course of 11 months, all negative of course (that damn minus sign!). I should be a stockholder in EPT by now! Well back to the point: I guess since, I haven't seen a positive test, I just had to know what mine would look like this time. So, I took one out, and walla! (I made it nice and big for all to see). Oh yeah baby, its a plus sign.

Umm...I guess I was wrong?

Well, well...guess what all, I'm pregnant! Wait, let me say that again, yup! I'm pregnant!

I just can't believe it. It is so surreal. I mean, this has been a long journey but I am glad we are able to shut the door on the last year and venture into the unknown (hopefully full term pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby!

Let me back up. This morning I went to the Dr's for my scheduled blood test. I was a little disappointment by the results of last weeks tests, so all I kept telling myself this round was "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" I mean, really, I must have told myself that 100 times this morning alone. When I went in, the nurse asked me if "I felt any different?" I told her, that I didn't really. Everything I felt the last few days I felt were figments of my imagination. For ex. last night, I was pretty sure someone had drugged me. Who knew morning sickness felt like a massive hang over! Anyway, so she took my blood and told me they would be calling the results in around 11am. I went to work, and life resumed as usual. Well kinda...I have a great circle of friends, that I sometimes think went through secondary infertility because they walked this journey right by my side, so I received a lot of phone calls wishing me the best. Thank to each and every one of you. I don't think I could be here today with out your constant support, oh and you too honey. :) So, I was on the phone with a client and my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and saw..."baby doc" on the screen. Oh shit (sorry, it was an "oh shit" moment)! I hung up on the person on the other line (darn, I don' think I ever called them back!) I said hello and a sweet voice said, "Hi Claudia, it's Cindy" OMG! Cindy, refer back to the poor nurse that was unlucky enough to have had to call me with the progesterone results last week....anyways back to Cindy. She said "Claudia, baby, I have great news, your pregnant sweetheart, I told you not to give up, and better yet the beta is at 407 (this is what they refer too when speaking about the level of HCG hormone that is present in your blood (released by pregnancy), anything above a 5 means positive for pregnancy). I was a little shell shocked. All i could do is start at my rosary that I had been praying on all day. I then asked her about my progesterone. She said that those levels were a little low than they liked (it was at a 16, they want it at a 20) and the Dr. Werlin (still sick!) wanted to supplement the progesterone. (almost got away, oh well, what ever it takes!) So here I am, pregnant. What a milestone. The ironic thing is, that this month would have marked 1 year that Christian and I were actively trying to get pregnant.

I still have only told a few close people. I don't think I could get through they next 8 weeks without each and everyone of them.

No more truth and time....the new saying is "Whatever it takes!"

God watch over us...

Introducing Oliver Henry Moek!

Oliver's mom, Diana, (that is still a little weird), and I have known each other since 6th grade. So today, myself and two friends went to visit baby Oliver. A few minutes later, 2 more of our circle of friends came in too. It was a great feeling to be surrounded with so many strong, successful women and see how far we have all come since the days on the play ground! There is nothing that we couldn't and wouldn't get each other through.

Oliver, is one of the cutest babies, with by far the cutest hair I have EVER seen! Baby Oli weighed in at a little under 7 lbs and 19 inches.

He is going to be a heart breaker!

Happy Halloween!

I got home last night and had to throw something together for Christian to wear to this Halloween party we attended last night. So, "where's waldo" it was. Who knew, 1 white shirt, 3 red permanent markers and a beanie could turn out to be such a hit! As for me, I have never missed my olive skin so much. It is really hard to feel pretty when you are as pasty as Casper the friendly Ghost!

On a side note, when did Halloween become a day for grown women to wear the lingerie in public?

California Up in Smoke!

Well, today was another day full of smoke. We received a message from our company last night indicating that today we were to resume business as usual. Since I felt regenerated after yesterday, I went in the office early this am (I also knew I was super behind and that my work load was going to be intense!). I got out of my car, took one breath and realized I am going to have to run to my building, because breathing was not an option. I took one big breath and booked it to the door. I open the door, entered the building and boom! I was smacked in the face by smut! Good lord, this has to end. Then I thought to myself, it must be better upstairs, because this is not better than outside! (however, doesn't hot air rise?) Well, needless to say, upstairs was not any better. As I tried to muscle through the chaos, I received an email stating that wearing masks were mandatory. What, are you serious? Dr. Spaulding here I go I guess. Well they couldn't keep us there long because the air quality was progressively getting worse, so by 9.30am I was on my way home. Ummm, what to do?

So now I am back at home. Not that I don't have plenty to do, I just don't feel like doing anything. I am lazy! As far as symptoms, I am sorry to report that I have zero now. How is this possible? How could the little symptoms I had yesterday disappear today? No cramps at all, none. Breasts are not sore, I not any more tired than normal, skin looks the same, potty breaks have stopped their intensity. Where does that leave me?

What I did realize today though, is that I am okay with this not happening this month (although I would welcome it if it did). I guess winning some battles is okay for now, and one day we will have won the war. Persistence right.

Here's to the small victories that we have gained recently: Christian's testing came back good, the Glucophage reduced my testosterone levels, no cysts appeared on my ovaries, the Clomid helped produce at least 1 good follicle measuring over the size of 22mm and one smaller follicle at 18mm, the HCG trigger shot worked to induce ovulation, and my progesterone was higher than it need to be, and lastly, I was not given progesterone supplements! So although this month appears to be a bust (no pregnancy), at least it victorious on many battle fronts. Hopefully, things will continue to be positive and together Christian and I will not only win the battles but come out on top of this war of infertility.

Holy Fires Everywhere!

This is getting scary! The fires are everywhere. Yesterday, my office was evacuated due to the proximity of the local fires. Before we actually got evacuated, we were all sitting at our desks inhaling this awful smoke infesting our building through the air conditioning ducts. It was gross! People were coughing, eyes were itching, it was madness.
Late last night we received a phone call from our office (this new automated system we have, kinda like the reverse 911 calls they have been talking about on the news) asking us to refrain from coming into work until 10 am. The office manger wanted to take some time accessing the air quality before having 200+ employees come in to the building. But this leads me to wonder...what is to close for comfort? The fires right now are burning at 30 containment and are less than 1 mile away. Sure, they are not burning in our direction, but is the smoke and debris not as dangerous and second hand smoke? I don't get it, I mean really, I get cigarettes are bad for you since they are dipped in chemicals, but I could only imagine the chemicals being released by burning buildings. Anyway, it appears that we have been given the green light and are expected to report to work. BUMMER!

On a pregnancy note, CRAMPS! They won't stop. Last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I experienced 3 sharp pains a few seconds apart. Umm...not sure what that was. Today, I still feel the stretching pain and feel extremely bloated. But no other symptoms. Where is my morning sickness? just kidding, kinda. :) So now as I approach my last 5 days of this madness, I need to be extra careful not to confuse PMS with anything else. I mean the cramps could just be from that. Again, truth and time. (I am beginning to hate that saying).

The results are in (not the real ones)

So around 12 noon today I got the news. I received a phone call from Dr. Werlin's office. Although I was expecting his voice on the phone (I almost need to hear him tell me everything is okay, weird how much trust you put into a stranger) a sweet voice on the other line said, "Mrs. Spaulding? everything looks good" I said, "really? How good?"...and then the news hit! She said "level came back at a 14, so definitely tells us you ovulated." All I could think was "great" (with a big sigh of sarcasm). Then the poor lady said, "Claudia, all we are looking at is for levels greater than a 10." As I continued to ask her questions (questions I so wish I was asking Dr. Werlin but he is out sick today :( , did I tell you how much I miss him!) that I only know to ask because of my friend Dr. Google, she dropped the bomb..."we like to see levels above a 20 with pregnant woman." Ummm...what does that mean? I'm okay where I am at my measly 14 because I am not pregnant and that all they could tell me at that point is that I ovulated (which we confirmed last Sunday!) did they already know that I am not pregnant? I mean what the hell does that mean! So of course I asked her. She said, "oh no honey, this doesn't rule out you are pregnant, you progesterone will rise to that level if you are pregnant." So then she said, "I need to call Dr. Werlin to see if you need to be put on progesterone supplements." I said, "okay and asked her to call me back." The phone rang again about a half hour later and she said she had talked to Dr. Werlin and that he had said he didn't think that the supplements were necessary. I said okay. But now as I write this I wonder, is he not putting me on supplements because he already knows my fate? I am a gambler at heart, and I would put money on the fact that he already knows the results of this cycle. Why make me wait? what is this madness about!
I hate Mondays and today I am not feeling strong enough to know the truth anyway. So maybe its gods work that Dr. Werlin didn't break the news. I'm not sure I am emotionally equipped to handle it right now.

Truth and Time right?

Damn, it's Monday again!

Well, let me catch you up to the events of this weekend. Friday night, I stayed home and watched all my DVR shows (not sure how I lived without DVR in the past). Anyway, I really didn’t feel that different and no new, or old for that matter, symptoms presented themselves. I guess the only constant variable in this whole mess are the cramps (side, lower abdomen, lower back, basically everywhere). Sat. ran a bunch of errands, tried to stay busy. Completed half of my beauty regime which felt nice (I almost feel human again!) Christian and I went to dinner and spent a nice night together. That night I had this weird dream. You see most newly pregnant women report having dreamt that they were pregnant, saw there unborn child, saw a pregnancy test that read positive, etc, but me, oh no, none of the above. What I say was me starting the unwanted never ending period/menstrual cycle/menses/aunt flow (only a fertility patient would know that many ways to describe an isolated event)! DAMN! What does this mean?
Is this god preparing me for the up coming negative news? Basically, that is exactly what I took it for. Why else would I dream such a terrible thing? Anyway, needless to say, Sunday sucked. All I kept thinking was that this month is going to prove yet another let down. I thought and over thought that dream and anything and everything that I was feeling. Anyways, as of today I have only 6 days left and we will know the truth. Although I know I can test before, starting tomorrow actually, I will not. Some of my friends that know I am going through this don’t believe that I will be able to hold out. Trust me though, I will not and I seriously mean it, will not test until the Dr. calls me with the news. Why would I do that to myself again? No way! No thank you!
Anyway, so this morning I went in for my progesterone testing. The dreaded progesterone. Can a person really hate a hormone so much? I hate progesterone! Anyway, I trust Dr. Werlin and if he says that progesterone supplements are necessary, then I have no choice. Should I get out my fat wardrobe? (Come on everyone has them?) I, unfortunately, have a skinny (my favorite), my “normal” (skinny only lasted a few months, but I do love to stare at that closet), and my “fat” (I want to burn the clothes that fall in this category)…but that is another story for another day.
I am expecting Dr. Werlin’s call in about 2-4 hours. So only time will tell. As one of my not so favorite Hill’s cast members would say, “truth and time”

Wishing for morning sickness, am I crazy?

Hello all, nothing has really changed here, too bad! I actually told one of my girlfriends that I was hoping to get morning sickness so I know for sure something is changing. She thought I was crazy! I’m sure it didn’t help that she only has a 6 month old child, so the memories of morning sickness are to close to the brain! lol I know I am a little crazy hoping for morning sickness, I just can’t help but want something to change. And something more than sore breast and fatigue (symptoms of PMS and pregnancy). All I can say though, it’s Friday, so it could be worse.

On a side note, I go in for my Dr. appointment on Monday for them to test my progesterone levels. Basically what they are looking for is levels above 15 (according to Dr. Google). If for whatever reason my levels are below 10-15, I will be prescribed progesterone supplements. I have taken these in the past, and they SUCK! Everything about them sucks! You bloat like crazy. I actually put on 15 lbs as a result, and I just finished shedding those unwanted pounds. I seriously hope my levels come back good! Plus, I have read that most people (yes, goggle again, although the paragraph below seems to show otherwise, kinda) that test positive for pregnancy generally have higher levels of progesterone.

Here is what Dr. Google had to say:

“A progesterone test is done to confirm ovulation. When a follicle releases its egg, it becomes what is called a corpus luteum and produces progesterone. A level over 5 probably indicates some form of ovulation, but most doctors want to see a level over 10 on a natural cycle, and a level over 15 on a medicated cycle. There is no mid-luteal level that predicts pregnancy. Some say the test may be more accurate if done first thing in the morning after fasting.” …Average is about 20 at 4 weeks LMP, and 40 at 14 weeks LMP. It is important to note that while a higher progesterone level corresponds with higher pregnancy success rates, one cannot fully predict outcome based on progesterone levels. Progesterone supplementation is unlikely to help if started after a positive pregnancy test.

I guess I have to wait until Monday, so the wait continues…..let’s hope for levels over 20! Even though it is not indicative of pregnancy, if the success rate is better, then I’m all for it!

Oh, what a difference a day makes...kinda!

Last night I went to dinner with a few girlfriends in substitution of wine night. It was really nice to talk and sip some wine and just relax. It was so needed. I actually left dinner feeling empowered and ready to take on the remaining 10 days of this dreaded 2 week wait. 6 days down, 10 to go. I could have handled anything. I was ready!

And let me report, that I successfully went to dinner with 2 fellow smokers, and didn’t smoke! I quit smoking a few weeks back, (although I was never a hard core smoker, it was really nice to have a cig with a drink and a drink with a cig), and have vowed to stay a “non-smoker.” But I had not been put to the test, and hanging with these two gal pals definitely put me to the test. And I passed! Hurrah! I will be the first to admit though, that the wine in my right hand sure didn’t taste the same without its companion in my left hand. It feels terrible to separate something that so obviously works so well together! But scarifies must be made. I’m grateful that I still have Pinot anything in my life! …at least for now J

I headed home from a great night and conducted my nightly rituals, washed my face, put on my PJ’s, rubbed my belly and whispered, swim little guys swim or dig little one dig (for those that don’t understand this reference, I’m referring to the embryo digging into my lining which is known as “implantation”). I know if Christian heard me he would think I lost my mind. Actually, after writing it out, I think maybe I have lost it a little.

Anyway, I went to bed. Around 4 am I woke feeling terrible. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out or be sick. Gross. So, I did what I could to fall asleep (although I never felt like I really did). This morning all I could think was “I wonder what that was about…did the embryo implant?” blaa blaa. Damn, back to thinking and over thinking everything and anything. “Can I smell those flowers at my desk more than I did the other day?” Yet another pregnancy symptom that I do or don’t have. This is complete madness! Good god, will this ever end.

Where is Pinot Grigo when I need her!

I’m back! I keep getting these little cramps. They hurt and I rub my belly and they seem to go away. Weird. Isn’t too early to experience PMS and the wonders of getting your period? What is going on? Not to worry, I’ll ask Dr. Google and see what he has to say…

Well, Dr. Google states that the pain can be caused by several things, recovery from the IUI procedure, ovaries shrinking in size, implantation J, or your period is preparing itself. So basically, back to the drawing board. Darn you Dr. Google.
So the cramping continues, it almost feels like little needles jabbing me in the lower abdonmen, OUCH! Now I’m tired, all this thinking has me pooped! I need a nap!

I'm Addicted!

Okay, I think I have a problem. I am addicted to GOOGLE! Every day I come into work and I stare at that little blue “e” on my computer screen and it takes everything in me not to click on it and start researching anything and everything. In this age of impatience (I seriously hate the internet today) many of my searches are for fertility stories having to do with pregnancy symptoms. For example, cramping after IUI; not nauseous pregnant; if my breasts are sore am I pregnant; no symptoms pregnancy; IUI and the odds of success, the likelihood of miscarriage (I know, I really need to stop!) I told you I am addicted. You would think what you thinking about a drug addict would you….probably. he he he. The other night Christian totally caught me on an IUI blog, I felt like I just got caught snooping through someone’s Myspace page! Terrible. Anyway, I have put myself on a one search a day limit! I need to start weaning myself off! As of Monday the 22nd, no more searching anything having to do with pregnancy or trying to conceive on Google or any other search engine. What has happened to me! I just can’t imagine why it takes 2 whole weeks to figure this out, I mean really! The have been able to pin point ovulation to the day, what’s with the wait! I am seriously going to die over here!

Is this for real?

Okay, seriously, this pee’ing every 2 minutes has to stop! Is this a symptom of the IUI. What is happening…I can’t believe I still have to wait another 12 day! Still waiting….

Oh, and for those that have heard me mention how kick ass my Doc is, here is a picture of him:

Where should I start?

October 15th

Let’s start at the beginning:

Well, where should I begin…..let’s start with July 2006. I came home one day and felt a little weird. Weird is just the best way to describe it. Anyway, for the sake of not running this story to long, we were in fact pregnant. Unfortunately, a few months later we miscarried. Since that time we have been actively trying to conceive but we no luck.

We started with our OBGYN. She was a really nice, but seemed a little uninvolved and unfamiliar. She put me on all these hormones to help me “sustain” the pregnancy. Needless to say, not only did I gain like 15 lbs, the hormones messed all kinds of stuff up.

Anyway, we finally see the light! Through friends of ours, we were recommended to a fertility specialist. Dr. Werlin a reproductive endocrinologist! (I bet you can’t say that fast 10 times) And let me tell you, what a difference. He is just amazing!
Since it had been about 1 year since our miscarriage, we fell into the “infertility category.” I know, many of you are probably thinking; wait you got pregnant before so how do you possibly need to go to fertility?? Well, refer above. Hormones = all messed up!

So basically, the last year has been a mess. If I saw another thermometer, basal body chart, ovulation test, pregnancy test, OMG! I was going to scream. Oh, and while I am on the things that bugged, let me offer you “non-fertility challenged folks” a bit of advice (all out of love of course!) Please do NOT tell a woman that has pee’d on 300 sticks to “relax” if she just didn’t want it so much it would happen! I seriously had to sit on my hands when I heard that from people. For the record, when you are charting your temps, waiting for LH surges, blaa blaa, it is hard to NOT think about it. (Okay, my rant on that is over now). J

Well, like I was saying before, Dr. Werlin is marvelous! For the first few weeks Christian and I both went through a series of tests to determine what is actually wrong, if anything. And low and behold, I was the problem! I know Christian was excited, but I must say, I was less than thrilled that the “fault” lay on my shoulders.

Dr. Werlin tested all my hormone levels and determined (after many ultrasounds and blood tests at different points in my cycle.) that I had a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Fun! I was put on medication to reduce my male hormone levels (which is a symptom of PCOS) and was advised to “watch my weight” that PCOS is aggravated by weight gain. And worse yet, weight gain was considered anything over 5 lbs. Like, seriously, you have to be kidding! 5lbs? I gain 5llbs in 1 day! One burrito and that scale is up 5 lbs. You have to be joking. Anyway, the problem with PCOS is that in laymen terms, it doesn’t allow you to ovulate. Therefore, we never even had a chance of conceiving. No egg, no baby!

Side Note:
How common is PCOS?
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome affects an estimated 5-10 percent of women of childbearing age and it is a leading cause of infertility. It is the most common endocrinopathy among reproductive age women. As many as 30 percent of women have some characteristics of the syndrome. ** Fun so I am one of the lucky ones! Dr. Werlin said I fell within the 30%.


Let’s fast forward to the more interesting stuff. So I started taking all these meds in order to ovulate. The medication they put you on has some side effects, but nothing unbearable. The thing is though, when you work with a fertility specialist, they do everything for you! No guess work. And to be honest, after the year we have had with all this, it is nice to know that I won’t have to do any of the stuff I had to do in the past. I got to say good bye to all the ovulation tests, thermometers, pregnancy tests, etc. See ya! It was nice.

So on Sat. we went in for a scheduled IUI (intrauterine insemination). I told you, no more guess work. They want to make sure the egg falls and there is sperm there to meet it. They did an ultrasound and saw that my egg was still there but was about ready to drop. Good news! One step closer than we were before, ovulation check! Kinda. Anyway, we had to go in again on Sunday for a second IUI. Dr. Werlin, does back to back IUI’s to ensure that the egg is surrounded by sperm. When we went in on Sun, they did another ultrasound, and viola, egg dropped! Hurrah! Now we are definitely one step closer.

Now, we wait…2 weeks. Although, most of you will never read this blog entry until after we know what happened on Oct 29, and even more than that, after we successfully complete the first trimester of our pregnancy, I thought it would be interesting to see how the events unfold. I will update this entry as often as I can and hope to offer any advice and comfort to any of my friends or family that have or will experience this, you are so not alone!

Soon (hopefully) you’ll all be able to read this blog and enjoy the journey Christian and I are on with us!