Peru!

Hello everyone,

We have safely landed in Peru and are enjoying ourselves. We are shopping, eating, eating, eating, and well shopping!

I will not be posting anything until I return on Jan 4th! I forgot my downloading stuff for my camera :( Either way, I have lots to tell everyone when I get back.

It will soon be told whether Turtle is a little boy or girl.... :)

First Trimester Done!

I wish I could say, where did the time go? But to be honest, I have felt these last weeks pass by with each second! It doesn't help that work is slow and my expectations are high. However, I am happy to report, that we have safely made it through the first trimester! These past 3 months have come with many pleasures, heartburn, bloating, and not to mention anxiety but it has been a journey that I hope to experience again! It was nice to finally be able to tell people why I had a sprite in my hand at the Christmas party, etc. LOL I know they were probably thinking something was up anyway. Anyway, this was a busy week...

Let's start with Wed. So Wed morning came and Christian and I went to our weekly doctors appointment. This was a little bitter sweet for the 2 of us. We were excited to see Turtle again and also excited to almost be past the "high risk" period...but then that excitement quickly turned into despair as we realized this would be the last morning I heard my name echo down a doctors office and Dr. Werlin would no longer be part of our weekly lives! I never thought for a second that I would feel amongst friends in a doctors office, but geez, sometimes that place reminded me of an episode of Cheers. I will dearly miss my Patch Adams! okay, I can't write about his anymore.

Let's move on to Thurs shall we...so on Thurs. morning Christian and I went to UCI medical center for our first trimester screening. This is ordered for all Dr. Werlin's patients. The purpose for the test is to determine if the fetus has any signs of Tri 18 or downs syndrome. Since many of his patients are older, I think somehow this test became common practice. Anyway, based on just blood analytics that were done Turtle had a very low chance of either, and better yet, after the ultrasound the chances were even less likely! What a blessing from god! (oh, keep praying people! we are not done yet! lol). We got a really good ultrasound picture but like always, it is blurry! (soon, Christmas is only 4 days away, I will no longer have blurry pictures for you guys). I asked the technician is she could tell if we were having a boy or a girl and she was unable to tell. So, the wait continues on that front.

Check out Turtles legs!

This morning I took some belly pictures. Now, for whatever reason they are not doing me justice! or at least they don't look like I feel, crap, maybe they do!

Why Turtle Secrets???

Okay, so I am soon going to make this blog public, so I decided maybe I should explain where "turtle secrets" even came from. Ill do my best to explain.

So when I started the blog I wasn't pregnant so calling it baby Spaulding or something like that seemed well, presumptuous at best. So I decided, to name is something way out. I tried things like "secret garden" etc etc since the first few blogs (and it could have been months of blogging) would really be just a place for me to get out my thoughts about all of the fertility stuff specifically. Since, fertility is generally so secretive, I just thought something with the word secret would be appropriate. Hence the secret in "turtles secrets"

So why turtle? well, this is the odd part. Ever since North Shore (yes, that North Shore) I have been in love with the nickname turtle for a human! lol. Well, needless to say Christian would never allow me to even look at our child with the thought of calling him/her turtle, I thought why not calling the baby or the trials to make the baby, turtle now? So, then came out Turtles Secrets.

Turtle (the baby) is the secret or at least has been a secret from most people.

So there you go. I thought of changing it to a different name, but in true Claudia fashion, naaaaaa...

Haley's a mom!

This year has been the year of first time moms! At one point, like 10 of my close girlfriends were pregnant! It was crazy. Well, most of them are moms now, and yesterday, Haley graduated into the "first time mom" club~

Elle Ryan is beautiful!



Congrats to Haley and Sean! They will make great parents!

Random Thoughts...

I have noticed a few things...first, I wake up a little bloated but not so big were I am "showing." However, by the end of the day, I am HUGE! like my belly is just enormous!

I'm pretty sure I have gained weight but I am never that girl that doesn't work out but eats well and see's a 5 lb weight drop. Not so lucky. My body breaks down without any exercise. Good thing is, I get to start doing some minor workouts in just a few weeks. I can't wait to start swimming again.

On another note: I graduate Dr. Werlin's next Wed! That is going to be a sad day! I asked him if I could keep calling him and of course he said yes. Some how that made me feel better.

Anyway, Ill take another belly picture next week. And I am not as lucky as some of my beautiful pregnant friends that did show until they were 5 or 6 months. Just be warned!

11 weeks!

Today we went in to see Dr Werlin. It was by far the best ultrasound to date! The baby was all over the place. It was hard for the doctor to capture a good picture since Turtle just wouldn't stop moving. (of course I couldn't feel a thing!). It was magical to see all that happening.

Too bad we didn't get a better picture of some other stand still (we got it on the VHS tape though), this is the best we got...but it is looking more human now...a little alien like but soon Turtle will look like me and Christian!

What you see in this picture is the baby sticking out his arms and legs and the camera and you can even see turtles eye sockets. Next week we go in for a more detailed ultrasound..so hopefully the picture is better!

It's Christmas Time!

I just love my house this time of year! over the course of the last few years, I am pretty sure I have bought out Target, Walmart, whatever of any decorations. I just can't get enough.
There are a few special parts of my decoration ceremony...it really has become an event.

I love to create my village! I know, Christian thinks I am crazy, but it gives me such satisfaction, I just adore every part of it. Next is the Tree. I have collected ornaments and they are all so special to me. And last, my garlands! I basically put them on anything I can. LOL

Our Tree...

The Mantel! Look even turtle got a stocking this year!

My Village, lights turn on on all the structure etc..

Village Part 2 (there are actually several parts)

I didn't want you to think I was crazy now...


Happy Holidays everyone! The count down is on! 2 weeks until Christmas, better yet, 2 weeks until presents, and 2 weeks until vacation! YES!

My Monsters...

Here is a picture of my not so small puppies!

Brooklyn is on the left weighing in at 107lbs last month, and Jersey is on the right coming in at only 76lbs...Jersey is my angel...and well Brooklyn is Christian's dog! lol

(Brooklyn (10 months) and Jersey (almost 2))

First Belly (bloated) Pic!

Oh and on a funny note, or for most other people at least, I am officially in my fat closet! Not sure what the heck happened, but I have a total belly. I took this picture last week and you can see the belly starting..now okay, it is not huge nor really that noticeable, but after a meal, holy cow! (literally). Anyway, I will take another at 12 weeks then every 2 weeks after. (to be honest, that was always my favorite part to see! how big did she really get??, I know I'm messed up.)

10 Weeks!

Well I must say, time is flying by...well not flying but I can't believe there is only 19 days until Christmas and only 13 days until I am done with my 1st trimester! Truthfully, I can't wait until my first trimester passes and my chances of miscarrying go down. This has created a lot of anxiety for me.

This week, like normal, we went to see Dr. Werlin to check the development of the baby and my progesterone levels. Everything looked good with both, and we couldn't be happier! Here is the latest pics! (I know the quality sucks, but I have asked Santa for a new scanner, so hopefully in 19 days we won't have any more blurry pictures).

Look aunt's and uncles, I have legs!

One another note, I also had a preliminary appointment (mainly to start up with the standard lab work required by the state) with my new OB/GYN. Dr. Robinson was referred to us by Dr. Werlin so if he trusts in her, so will I.

Well, I didn't get to meet her, but I did get to meet the nursing team. The head nurse was hilarious and did all she could to make me feel comfortable and like I was amongst friends. She had to ask me a series of questions...one she asked like this: "so do you shoot up? between the toes right, I am on to you girls"...like what! I just looked at her in shock, but we had a good laugh. I guess she is kinda right, like really what heroin addict in going to walk into a doctors office pregnant nonetheless and admit to being a user! Pretty stupid question!

She went over the protocol of what to expect and I left the office, and burst into tears! (hormonal remember). I couldn't imagine not seeing Dr. Werlin every week, hearing his voice, his laugh, he is my PATCH ADAMS! I can't do this without him. It is so weird how vulnerable you become and how much trust you put into a total stranger. After my mini panic attack, I called a close friend and made her tell me about her OB experience. You see, the nurse went over the remaining months and how and when the doctor would see me. She said Dr. Robinson would see me once a month, and we would do "an" ultrasound at 18 weeks (HELLO "AN" like in "ONE"). I must have looked at her like she had lost her mind. I mean, really, I am a fertility patient, I am high risk damn it! Test me Test me Test me. But, I then had to come to terms that I don't want to be high risk and since all this started all I wanted to be was normal. And here I am, being treated normally and I freaked. The nurse did say that she would do an ultrasound if it was needed etc but most of the time it is not needed.

Why I freaked: well one reason is because I'm just a little nuts, and the other is because I am really concerned with my progesterone. The nurse assured me that they could test my progesterone weekly but that the doctor would only see me monthly. See, after week 12 the placenta takes over progesterone production and most of the time the mother is no longer in need of supplementation. Catch that word...I did...."most" of the time. You see, that is not good enough for me! I need to know.

So what Christian and I have decided to do is to ask Dr. Werlin what we could and should expect from our OB. Are 6 dr's appointments and 1 ultrasound sufficient for someone like me? Will a doctor test my progesterone levels weekly? Am I being absurd??

Answers to these questions next week.

Extra Nervous!

This week is a big week for me. I am almost 9 and 1/2 weeks and the last time I was pregnant, the baby stopped developing around this time and I ended up miscarrying at almost 11 weeks (I was not considered high risk then, and was not being monitored weekly). Although, this pregnancy has actually been a lot different than the first, my nerves are a little more heightened this week.

Things I am feeling now that I didn't before: nauseous!, waking up at least 3 times a night to go to the bathroom, TIRED, and I'm already showing! I mean really...I don't understand it. Plus, my progesterone at the last visit was doing really good. (My progesterone with the last pregnancy at 8 weeks only came in at 13). So, I am hoping that all of those "extra" symptoms means this one is going to make it!

Seriously, I am constantly telling myself, that my body is meant to do this, assisted or not, and that everything is gonna be just fine. My brain says that, but my heart is just still a little scared. So Wed. is a big day, I will actually be 9 weeks and 5 days. Then the following week, well that week, is going to be a big relief as well. Then, the next one and the next one, oh my, there are a lot of next ones! lol

Thanks for listening...be back Thurs.

Bye for now.

The "real" story about pregnancy

Hello everyone Gossip Girl here...

Seen in the bathroom at Nationpoint, Claudia, losing her lunch! Is she pregnant? is it the latest diet fad....Only gossip girl knows.

okay okay...just kidding...I do love that show, and it's on tonight~ yes!

Anyway, so for the last few weeks I have been finding myself, well, nauseous, swore, dizzy, lightheaded, constipated (sorry, I know TMI, but for those that are regular and wanna get pregnant, say go bye to that!), broken out (like 13 year old bad), bloated, and oh, TIRED! like go to bed at 7 pm wake up at 7 am and still need a 3 hour nap!).

Please don't get me wrong. I am not complaining...just documenting the true beauties of being pregnant. And worse off, you can't tell anyone why you look like poo! And remember, I prayed to feel like this, now I understand why Nicole thought I was nuts!

So here is my typical day:
I wake up around 6 am...take a shower, gag a few times since brushing my teeth appears to trigger some major gag reflexes, dry off and I then cover my body in oils and creams to do my share in avoiding stretch marks (I am going to get them, my mom had them, so I am screwed...but whatever...sorry Christian but plastic surgery will be my friend!) After that, I have to run down stairs and eat something small in order to not spend 10 minutes praying to the porcelain gods...then off to work.
No more coffee for me either, not that I am against some decaf or even a small amount of regular coffee, but I just can't stand that taste. (and I loved coffee before). I get to work and I am okay until about 9.30...then I am all of a sudden on this big boat in the middle of the Atlantic! So I again, stuff my face to make the nausea goes away. Repeat steps 1 and 2 at 12pm and 3pm. See where I am going here...basically I eat and sleep! That's it.

Oh and I am not working out at all because I have been told I can't. So when someone tells me I should gain 25-30 pounds, I have no problem laughing in their face! Right. At this rate, Ill be in maternity jeans in 2 weeks! lol. Just kidding, don't worry Brandi I won't wear them yet...Ill have the fat closet I can still resort too, so I am in good shape.

By the time I get home, I'm toast! I take my shot, eat some dinner, and try my hardest to stay awake until at least 8pm. I know Christian was excited at first, he had total control of the TV remote...but now I'm thinking he misses his wife. Oh, speaking of almost 8...got to go get ready for bed, sorry for the maddness...bye for now

Gossip Girl XOXO

Can you believe it! Turtle has grown so much since last week. Every doctors appointment we have been bringing in a VHS tape with us and Dr Werlin has been video taping turtles development and turtle actually moved on screen! It was crazy.

We got to see the heartbeat and the spinal cord. (I kinda shuttered at the site of the spinal cord...I'm I gonna be able to do the turkey baster bugger sucker...OMG...I seriously have fears!..another time) Anyway, I can't wait to put that video on a CD and upload it. On another positive note, my progesterone is still going up...now it came in at 46! Yeah!

What's going on this week?

Week 8

Your baby has a face! Your baby's features are becoming more obvious, as his lips, tongue and nostrils, as well as the buds for 20 baby teeth are already present. The back muscles are growing along the spinal column, and his or her reproductive organs have started to form and soon will become either testes or ovaries. The arms and legs are growing and elbows and knees appear as well. The fingers and toes are starting to show but are still webbed. Your baby is about 8 - 11 mm or 0.31 - 0.43 inches in length. The process of ossification (hardening of the bones) begins as the bones of the fingers and toes have already reached the first joint.

Your baby is already getting smarter as his brain continues to develop and grow. (well turtle be a doctor, a lawyer, ??) Your baby is starting to show signs of reflex activity - an automatic response to certain types of stimuli Connecting you and your baby, the umbilical cord with all its blood vessels, is starting to function.

In fact, what will be your baby's intestine is forming in the umbilical cord as well. An ultrasound done this week would show your baby's fluttering heart and reflex movements.
This time next year your baby will be 20 Weeks Old!

My First Meltdown!

Okay, so lately I haven't been feeling like myself. During the day I fight bouts of sickness and nausea but work allows me to no think about it which I think helps. I am tired most of all the day but sleeping early has helped that. I know what some of my friends are thinking, I normally go to bed at 9.30pm so how much earlier can I go to sleep, well I must say I haven't made it to 8 some nights!

Anyway, yesterday (Thanksgiving) we spent the day with our families...kinda. We are still pulling double duty for Thanksgiving, so in the morning we made our way to my parents house. We started with a nice brunch and then everyone sat down and talked (I fell asleep). I basically slept through 90% of Thanksgiving with my parents. Sorry guys! Later that afternoon, after my 3 hour nap, we went to Christian's parents. The entire family was there so it was nice to see all his brothers and the kids. Baby Christian (his older brothers youngest son) is so adorable, and it might be the cutest thing when my Christian plays with him. Christian has never been hands on with kids (does that make sense??) anyway, lately he seems to have this fatherly instinct to himself. It is amazing to see. Anyway, so we ate traditional thanksgiving dinner (I didn't, I ate stuffing and mashed potatoes, kinda scared to eat the other stuff, again, I haven't been feeling like myself).

We came home, I went to sleep and then at about 2.30 it was over! I felt like I just got off the tea cups at Disneyland! I ran to that bathroom and had my first experience with "full" morning sickness! Holy cow! I must say, my friend warned me that she hasn't slept the same since she had her son, I think turtle is already trying to prepare me for sleep deprivation! My morning sickness should be labeled nighttime sickness because that is when I struggle the most.

Update

So we went in on Wed for our weekly ultrasound and everything looked good. Turtle has grown double its size since the last ultrasound. My progesterone levels stayed at 36, which is were I have wanted them to stay so no complaints here!

I am not posting this weeks ultrasound, to be honest, we didn't really get a good shot and next week Dr. Werlin said we should seem arms and legs! I can't wait. Until then...

Okay, I'm a terd!

So today I got some interesting news. I went in to work and my assistant Brianna said, "oh dummy, you know when you post a comment on someones blog they can click your name and it gets routed to your blog!"

All I could think was OMG! ("oh my god" for those new to blogging/IM, mother) I couldn't get my friend Nicole on the phone fast enough to remove the comment asap. Although a few people must have caught on and found out our little secret, I did want to tell them all in a different way.

So here is my public apology for all those close friends of mine that found out I was pregnant by reading this blog and not by me. I was going to tell all of you, in time, a mean really my protruding stomach would have also given it away, but you are all so important to me, I wish I would have told you instead of you having to read it. So again, my bad. :)

It will be public in no time...just 5 more weeks.

A lot is happening this week...

WEEK 7:
This week your baby is undergoing some extraordinary changes and developments. The head, heart, spinal cord, and some of the larger blood vessels begin to form. As these blood vessels form, the heart begins to pump fluid through them, and your baby's first red blood cells are created.
Your baby is about 7 - 9 mm or 0.27 - 0.35 inches in length, (approximately the size of a grain of rice), and weighs about 1/30 of an ounce - less than a breath mint (OMG, and my jeans are already tight!) Your baby's brain, bladder, tongue and esophagus are all developing and transforming, while his eyes are moving to the front of the face and his tiny eyelids are forming. The bones of his tiny limbs have started to form and all of your baby's major organs - heart, intestines, kidneys, liver, lungs and pancreas -- are forming and growing.
In fact, your baby actually goes through 3 sets of kidneys during development with this week's development, being the second set. Both the hand plates and the genital tubercle are present this week, but you can't tell whether it's a boy or a girl by sight at this point (umm...).
Nasal pits are also forming. In your womb, your baby has already become active swimming around inside the amniotic sac and kicking. However, as he's much too small and well-cushioned by the uterus and the new amniotic fluid you won't be able to feel him yet. But don't worry. In a few months you'll be able to feel him constantly.

Am I having a rubber ducky?

On Thursday, Christian and I went in for our weekly ultrasound. We went in and got the star treatment from Dr. Werlins office (like always, I will miss that place). Dr. Werlin said everything looked great with the baby, we were able to see the heart beat again and the baby was measuring in at 6 weeks 6 days (right on schedule!). To be honest, the ultrasound pictures of the baby resembled a rubber ducky more than a baby, but soon turtle will actually look human. lol

And the dreaded progesterone: Well the levels are up to a 34.6! Yes! I was so thrilled to see the injections are working.

So what's really going on in there?

Week Six
The arms and legs continue to develop - These limbs are stretching out more and more. Later on you will be feeling those feet and elbows up close and personal right in your bladder! Brain is growing well - Did you know that over the course of the remaining months that your baby's brain will develop over 100 billion neurons? This is just the beginning! Lenses of the eyes appear - If you could catch a glimpse inside, you would notice your baby's appearance becoming increasing like a newborn's. Nostrils are formed - The position of the nose seems to shift into its proper place as well. Soon, the nerves running from the nose to the brain appear. Intestines grow - Initially these are actually located outside the baby's body within the umbilical cord. Pancreas - Your baby is now equipped to deal with digestive enzymes and take on processing the insulin and glucagons the body needs to function.

Progesterone Update!

okay, so let me fill you in. Yesterday I went in for my sanity blood test. I'm pretty sure my Dr. thinks I am a little nuts, but I think I blend in well with the other fertility crazies! Anyway, Dr. Werlin called at around noon and said he was pleased at the levels and that there were up to a 24. I asked him if he expected them to go up more than that (honestly, I expected them to go up more than 5 mls or whatever) but he said that the levels looked great and that he would see me on Thurs. I asked him if I should increase the cc's that I am taking, and he responded with "what for, it looks good" so I guess 1 cc it is.

The one thing I never really thought about was that on the oral medication I was on 400 mg per day, now I am taking 1cc which equals 50mg, a heck of a lot less. So I guess they are only giving me a little progesterone.

Anyway, so all is good for now. I do feel like poo most of the day. Kinda like that hang over that just won't go away. But to be honest, I invite the sickness. Rumor has it, the miscarriage rate is lower if you have morning sickness, but who is thinking about that. :)

Trying to stay positive, but failing miserably

This afternoon was nice relaxing. I went to the spa with my mom and we got facials. It was really nice to spend some one on one time with her. I felt refreshed and glowing. See what a 100 dollars could buy you! lol...we went shopping for unneeded Christmas decorations, it was nice...but now, well now I am just nervous about all of this.

I am trying to stay positive but I must admit, every little twinge, ache, cramp is over analyzed. I just want to prepare myself for what may come. I guess I just have never wanted something to work out so bad. I mean, at least not something so meaningful and something I want to give to others equally. I guess it is just hard sometimes to look at Christian and think I may never be able to do this for us. My body just isn't strong enough without some divine intervention. Or, even my parents. Never being able to give them the ability to be grandparents. It just feels like a lot of pressure. And ultimately, it is out of my hands. I am praying a lot and hope that god is on our side with this.

Sorry, for the depressing post, I'm a little out of sorts. Hopefully tomorrow my progesterone level check will get me back to thinking I can do this! Until then...

The Enemy!

I came home from work this evening and there was a package at my door. I was a little excited, I mean, I really don't remember buying anything online, but maybe it was in back order and this was my little surprise for the day...was it shoes, a sweater...WRONG! it was this:

fun, I was pretty sure I married a lawyer, but he maybe considered a doctor after all!

I have to take these injections once a day in the lower hip/love handle area. See ladies, there is a use for these not so fun areas! I just can't stop thinking to myself. "how am I going to do this everyday, will I run out of room?"...probably not, I mean I have been working on that zone for some time now.

I took a picture of how long the needle is! Ouch! I put it next to a standard pen so you could see how big the needle actually is.
Will this baby ever know how much it was loved before it was even here? I will do what ever it takes to make sure I have done everything in my power to help keep this baby healthy. I go in again on Monday for blood work. (mainly for my sanity) Until then...

Baby Pallante

Before

And...After!







Introducting baby Jordon Julianna!

Born: Nov 9, 2007 at 11.50 am (over 2 weeks early)

weighing in at: 7lbs 6 oz and 20 inches long!

Baby and mom are doing great. Congrats to Shea and Joannah!

Mixed Results!

So yesterday Christian and I went to see Dr. Werlin. I was a little nervous and my dreams didn't help. It is so weird how your mind works. I was obviously obsessing about the appointment and all the things that could go wrong and low and behold, my dreams were just all those thoughts and images. Yuck!

Anyway, Christian and I were waiting in the room for Dr. Werlin. When he entered I immediately started praying again, like praying at that very moment would have made a difference, but lately that is all I do. I have a rosary that I carry around, and every time I have bad thought or a bad feeling I pray. Well, I guess I am trying to stay positive and just hoping for the best! Well, he came in and we started the ultrasound, and...well we saw the heartbeat! I was thrilled. I does however seem like I am having a diamond ring does it not?



Okay, so let me tell you what you are looking at...the black hole now (it got so big) the one that looks like a sideways tear drop that is my uterus. The almost prefect circle is what the call the yolk sac. This yolk sac contains the nutrients for turtle as it needs to grow. The "diamond" basically the ball on top of the ring, well that's the baby. You can't see the heartbeat on this or where the heart is, but we say it on the screen. It was nice too see.

On to the not so good news. I got a call later in the afternoon about my progesterone. Well, the levels dropped again! They went from 39 back to 19. Frick! (you all know what I really wanted to say)! Well, the nurse said, not to worry that my body is just not responding to the oral medications and we need to switch to injectables.

We went to the Dr.'s yesterday afternoon so Christian, or should I say Dr. Spaulding could learn to administer the injections every night. The needle itself is crazy long. He was really scared but took on the responsibility like a trooper. Needless to say, my upper hip area is going to be sore and bruised for awhile.

I am just hoping that this isn't a bad sign and that everything remains healthy with turtle! I have called the Dr. and asked for an "extra" visit with him this week, he doesn't think it's necessary I am sure, but right now I need to be positive but I need the reassurance to do so. I haven't talked to him much more about it and we will decide today the plan for these upcoming days. I don't think I can wait until Thurs with all this going on.

So, we are no where near out of the woods! Keep us in your prayers!

A little nervous!

So today I couldn't stop thinking about tomorrows appointment and better yet ultrasound. Actually, I can't believe I made it to today. I broke down yesterday and called the Dr.'s office to ask about these little pains I have been feeling..they probably think I'm nuts. Well, the nurse called me back and said that they pains I am feeling are really normal and not to worry. Was I hoping she was going to tell me to come in for an ultrasound, ummm...maybe. But, I am glad I was able to hold out. Hopefully tomorrow we will be able to see little turtles heartbeat! I really hope so. This will be one more milestone to hit during this torturous 7 week wait. Remember, I was DYING during the 2 weeks wait, now imagine 6 weeks more. OMG, the thought. I don't even know how I got through the last week. I mean really, I have known that I am pregnant for what 11 days! This is going to be a long pregnancy. (hoping so at least).

I must say though that this pregnancy is a lot different than the last. Which, I am hoping is a good sign. For example, I feel like I am on a constant rocking boat, better yet for my fellow winos..like I have a constant hangover (you know that one that wants to make you lay back in bed until it goes away), and the fatigue! Holy cow, the fatigue is intense. Now, this could be heightened by my little friend progesterone but around noon everyday, I seriously need toothpicks to keep my eyes opened. All the other stuff is pretty standard, except the fact, that I am pretty sure I am growing into a Chia Pet. Who knew hormones could make you grow peach fuzz all over...I'm hoping it's just the lighting...but I think I need to come to terms with the reality of more hair.

I'm so nervous that things won't go well, I guess I just need to think positive. I mean, my body is meant to do this, right? Turtle is a touch little guy and will make it! I just have to believe.

Well, hopefully tomorrow I will upload the cute picture of turtle and hopefully well see the little flicker of a heartbeat!

Should good news be told before 12 weeks?

So, here is the question of the day... After 1 year of trying, when is it too soon to tell your friends and family that you are with child?I have wanted to tell people that we are pregnant and will be expecting our first child in July. But, I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. There is still so much that could or could not happen, that is feels too soon to tell people that you are in fact pregnant. It almost seems cruel to not share the news. I mean today for example, I went to a friends baby shower. I hadn't told anyone there (outside of 1 or 2 people) that I was indeed pregnant, although many of them know that we were trying to get pregnant again. I knew they were looking at me feeling bad that I had to sit through yet another baby shower. I wanted to scream from the roof tops: "Don't worry you guys, I'm pregnant, you don't have to feel sorry for me anymore!".

But what if I did tell them all and something did go wrong? I mean what is worse, the damage control of having to tell all those people, and all the people they told that you are no longer pregnant or having to keep the news to yourself when all you want to do is yell at the top of your lungs "I'm pregnant". And then there is also those people far enough removed that don't realize you lost the baby and then ask you how your child is doing a year later. AWKWARD!

Ultimately, when it comes down to it all, there are just pros and cons to both. So I guess the real question is, do the pros outweigh the cons??

I have been struggling with this question for the last few days. Do I or don't I? ummm...So this is what I have come up with. I figured, if something did go wrong would it not be my friends and family I turned to for support? so why not let them know our news. I mean, we don't need to put out a news bulletin (although I wish I could) but to let those close to us know, how could that ever be bad? And really what is the "true" reason to not tell people? for me, it is the chance of jinxing it. Do I really believe that is possible? No, it is in gods hands not in whether or not I told people before the 12 week mark. So for now, I feel good about telling those around me of our little miracle and have just asked that they "mums the word"

So to all those little secret holders, keep us in your prayers.

Progesterone!

Okay, so on Thurs. I went in for my first ultra sound. To be honest, you really couldn't see much at all! We did get 2 things from Thurs. appointment though:
First: I got my progesterone levels tested again and my progesterone levels were at a 39! Hurrah!
Second: We got our very first look at our little turtle! Check out the Mick Jagger's lips (that is my uterual lining right in the middle) and that black hole, well guys, believe it or not that is it! (sorry, it came out very blurry!) So I guess we were wrong, there is one baby in there!

Second round of blood tests

So this morning, I got up bright and early for yet another Dr. appointment. This appointment was really to check my progesterone levels (I started the supplements yesterday) and my HCG level.
Side note:
Question: What is considered a normal HCG level? Answer: There is quite a range in what is considered a normal hCG level. In about 85 percent of pregnancies hCG levels will double every two to three days.

Okay, so with that being said, my levels on Monday if you don't remember were 407, today I tested in at 1147! Holy holy! what does that mean?!? My progesterone also went up a little, but not high enough for Dr. Werlin to be pleased, it came in at 19.3. He increased my progesterone to 4 times a day. It's an oral medication so I have my handy blackberry set to remind me a few hours...but I mean really, I have been waiting for this for months, I doubt I could ever forget!
When I was on the phone with Dr. Werlin (hurrah! he is back) he said that I could come in for an ultrasound as early as tomorrow. So guess what, yup, you guessed it, my appointment is tomorrow at 6.45am (I love his hours by the way).
What we could find out tomorrow: how many babies are in there, if there is a yolk sac (I'll explain another time, and if there is a gestational sac. Nothing more than that. Basically, we will see a black hole! I have attached a ultrasound of a total stranger for you all to see. I am not sure if I will get pictures.

I listed this picture of twins, because the inside joke right now is, there are 2 babies growing in my belly! The more the merrier right? although my friends that are mothers would probably say "what careful what you wish for"...lol

Look closely, can you see it, look closer....oh nevermind!

I couldn't help myself!

Okay, so this might be one of the silliest things I have done to date, well maybe not. I think maybe talking to my belly telling the little turtle to dig, dig, dig, might have been a little dopier, but whatever. Anyway, I have taken maybe 100 pregnancy tests over the course of 11 months, all negative of course (that damn minus sign!). I should be a stockholder in EPT by now! Well back to the point: I guess since, I haven't seen a positive test, I just had to know what mine would look like this time. So, I took one out, and walla! (I made it nice and big for all to see). Oh yeah baby, its a plus sign.

Umm...I guess I was wrong?

Well, well...guess what all, I'm pregnant! Wait, let me say that again, yup! I'm pregnant!

I just can't believe it. It is so surreal. I mean, this has been a long journey but I am glad we are able to shut the door on the last year and venture into the unknown (hopefully full term pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby!

Let me back up. This morning I went to the Dr's for my scheduled blood test. I was a little disappointment by the results of last weeks tests, so all I kept telling myself this round was "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" I mean, really, I must have told myself that 100 times this morning alone. When I went in, the nurse asked me if "I felt any different?" I told her, that I didn't really. Everything I felt the last few days I felt were figments of my imagination. For ex. last night, I was pretty sure someone had drugged me. Who knew morning sickness felt like a massive hang over! Anyway, so she took my blood and told me they would be calling the results in around 11am. I went to work, and life resumed as usual. Well kinda...I have a great circle of friends, that I sometimes think went through secondary infertility because they walked this journey right by my side, so I received a lot of phone calls wishing me the best. Thank to each and every one of you. I don't think I could be here today with out your constant support, oh and you too honey. :) So, I was on the phone with a client and my cell phone rang. I looked at the number and saw..."baby doc" on the screen. Oh shit (sorry, it was an "oh shit" moment)! I hung up on the person on the other line (darn, I don' think I ever called them back!) I said hello and a sweet voice said, "Hi Claudia, it's Cindy" OMG! Cindy, refer back to the poor nurse that was unlucky enough to have had to call me with the progesterone results last week....anyways back to Cindy. She said "Claudia, baby, I have great news, your pregnant sweetheart, I told you not to give up, and better yet the beta is at 407 (this is what they refer too when speaking about the level of HCG hormone that is present in your blood (released by pregnancy), anything above a 5 means positive for pregnancy). I was a little shell shocked. All i could do is start at my rosary that I had been praying on all day. I then asked her about my progesterone. She said that those levels were a little low than they liked (it was at a 16, they want it at a 20) and the Dr. Werlin (still sick!) wanted to supplement the progesterone. (almost got away, oh well, what ever it takes!) So here I am, pregnant. What a milestone. The ironic thing is, that this month would have marked 1 year that Christian and I were actively trying to get pregnant.

I still have only told a few close people. I don't think I could get through they next 8 weeks without each and everyone of them.

No more truth and time....the new saying is "Whatever it takes!"

God watch over us...

Introducing Oliver Henry Moek!

Oliver's mom, Diana, (that is still a little weird), and I have known each other since 6th grade. So today, myself and two friends went to visit baby Oliver. A few minutes later, 2 more of our circle of friends came in too. It was a great feeling to be surrounded with so many strong, successful women and see how far we have all come since the days on the play ground! There is nothing that we couldn't and wouldn't get each other through.

Oliver, is one of the cutest babies, with by far the cutest hair I have EVER seen! Baby Oli weighed in at a little under 7 lbs and 19 inches.

He is going to be a heart breaker!

Happy Halloween!

I got home last night and had to throw something together for Christian to wear to this Halloween party we attended last night. So, "where's waldo" it was. Who knew, 1 white shirt, 3 red permanent markers and a beanie could turn out to be such a hit! As for me, I have never missed my olive skin so much. It is really hard to feel pretty when you are as pasty as Casper the friendly Ghost!

On a side note, when did Halloween become a day for grown women to wear the lingerie in public?

California Up in Smoke!

Well, today was another day full of smoke. We received a message from our company last night indicating that today we were to resume business as usual. Since I felt regenerated after yesterday, I went in the office early this am (I also knew I was super behind and that my work load was going to be intense!). I got out of my car, took one breath and realized I am going to have to run to my building, because breathing was not an option. I took one big breath and booked it to the door. I open the door, entered the building and boom! I was smacked in the face by smut! Good lord, this has to end. Then I thought to myself, it must be better upstairs, because this is not better than outside! (however, doesn't hot air rise?) Well, needless to say, upstairs was not any better. As I tried to muscle through the chaos, I received an email stating that wearing masks were mandatory. What, are you serious? Dr. Spaulding here I go I guess. Well they couldn't keep us there long because the air quality was progressively getting worse, so by 9.30am I was on my way home. Ummm, what to do?

So now I am back at home. Not that I don't have plenty to do, I just don't feel like doing anything. I am lazy! As far as symptoms, I am sorry to report that I have zero now. How is this possible? How could the little symptoms I had yesterday disappear today? No cramps at all, none. Breasts are not sore, I not any more tired than normal, skin looks the same, potty breaks have stopped their intensity. Where does that leave me?

What I did realize today though, is that I am okay with this not happening this month (although I would welcome it if it did). I guess winning some battles is okay for now, and one day we will have won the war. Persistence right.

Here's to the small victories that we have gained recently: Christian's testing came back good, the Glucophage reduced my testosterone levels, no cysts appeared on my ovaries, the Clomid helped produce at least 1 good follicle measuring over the size of 22mm and one smaller follicle at 18mm, the HCG trigger shot worked to induce ovulation, and my progesterone was higher than it need to be, and lastly, I was not given progesterone supplements! So although this month appears to be a bust (no pregnancy), at least it victorious on many battle fronts. Hopefully, things will continue to be positive and together Christian and I will not only win the battles but come out on top of this war of infertility.

Holy Fires Everywhere!

This is getting scary! The fires are everywhere. Yesterday, my office was evacuated due to the proximity of the local fires. Before we actually got evacuated, we were all sitting at our desks inhaling this awful smoke infesting our building through the air conditioning ducts. It was gross! People were coughing, eyes were itching, it was madness.
Late last night we received a phone call from our office (this new automated system we have, kinda like the reverse 911 calls they have been talking about on the news) asking us to refrain from coming into work until 10 am. The office manger wanted to take some time accessing the air quality before having 200+ employees come in to the building. But this leads me to wonder...what is to close for comfort? The fires right now are burning at 30 containment and are less than 1 mile away. Sure, they are not burning in our direction, but is the smoke and debris not as dangerous and second hand smoke? I don't get it, I mean really, I get cigarettes are bad for you since they are dipped in chemicals, but I could only imagine the chemicals being released by burning buildings. Anyway, it appears that we have been given the green light and are expected to report to work. BUMMER!

On a pregnancy note, CRAMPS! They won't stop. Last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I experienced 3 sharp pains a few seconds apart. Umm...not sure what that was. Today, I still feel the stretching pain and feel extremely bloated. But no other symptoms. Where is my morning sickness? just kidding, kinda. :) So now as I approach my last 5 days of this madness, I need to be extra careful not to confuse PMS with anything else. I mean the cramps could just be from that. Again, truth and time. (I am beginning to hate that saying).

The results are in (not the real ones)

So around 12 noon today I got the news. I received a phone call from Dr. Werlin's office. Although I was expecting his voice on the phone (I almost need to hear him tell me everything is okay, weird how much trust you put into a stranger) a sweet voice on the other line said, "Mrs. Spaulding? everything looks good" I said, "really? How good?"...and then the news hit! She said "level came back at a 14, so definitely tells us you ovulated." All I could think was "great" (with a big sigh of sarcasm). Then the poor lady said, "Claudia, all we are looking at is for levels greater than a 10." As I continued to ask her questions (questions I so wish I was asking Dr. Werlin but he is out sick today :( , did I tell you how much I miss him!) that I only know to ask because of my friend Dr. Google, she dropped the bomb..."we like to see levels above a 20 with pregnant woman." Ummm...what does that mean? I'm okay where I am at my measly 14 because I am not pregnant and that all they could tell me at that point is that I ovulated (which we confirmed last Sunday!) did they already know that I am not pregnant? I mean what the hell does that mean! So of course I asked her. She said, "oh no honey, this doesn't rule out you are pregnant, you progesterone will rise to that level if you are pregnant." So then she said, "I need to call Dr. Werlin to see if you need to be put on progesterone supplements." I said, "okay and asked her to call me back." The phone rang again about a half hour later and she said she had talked to Dr. Werlin and that he had said he didn't think that the supplements were necessary. I said okay. But now as I write this I wonder, is he not putting me on supplements because he already knows my fate? I am a gambler at heart, and I would put money on the fact that he already knows the results of this cycle. Why make me wait? what is this madness about!
I hate Mondays and today I am not feeling strong enough to know the truth anyway. So maybe its gods work that Dr. Werlin didn't break the news. I'm not sure I am emotionally equipped to handle it right now.

Truth and Time right?

Damn, it's Monday again!

Well, let me catch you up to the events of this weekend. Friday night, I stayed home and watched all my DVR shows (not sure how I lived without DVR in the past). Anyway, I really didn’t feel that different and no new, or old for that matter, symptoms presented themselves. I guess the only constant variable in this whole mess are the cramps (side, lower abdomen, lower back, basically everywhere). Sat. ran a bunch of errands, tried to stay busy. Completed half of my beauty regime which felt nice (I almost feel human again!) Christian and I went to dinner and spent a nice night together. That night I had this weird dream. You see most newly pregnant women report having dreamt that they were pregnant, saw there unborn child, saw a pregnancy test that read positive, etc, but me, oh no, none of the above. What I say was me starting the unwanted never ending period/menstrual cycle/menses/aunt flow (only a fertility patient would know that many ways to describe an isolated event)! DAMN! What does this mean?
Is this god preparing me for the up coming negative news? Basically, that is exactly what I took it for. Why else would I dream such a terrible thing? Anyway, needless to say, Sunday sucked. All I kept thinking was that this month is going to prove yet another let down. I thought and over thought that dream and anything and everything that I was feeling. Anyways, as of today I have only 6 days left and we will know the truth. Although I know I can test before, starting tomorrow actually, I will not. Some of my friends that know I am going through this don’t believe that I will be able to hold out. Trust me though, I will not and I seriously mean it, will not test until the Dr. calls me with the news. Why would I do that to myself again? No way! No thank you!
Anyway, so this morning I went in for my progesterone testing. The dreaded progesterone. Can a person really hate a hormone so much? I hate progesterone! Anyway, I trust Dr. Werlin and if he says that progesterone supplements are necessary, then I have no choice. Should I get out my fat wardrobe? (Come on everyone has them?) I, unfortunately, have a skinny (my favorite), my “normal” (skinny only lasted a few months, but I do love to stare at that closet), and my “fat” (I want to burn the clothes that fall in this category)…but that is another story for another day.
I am expecting Dr. Werlin’s call in about 2-4 hours. So only time will tell. As one of my not so favorite Hill’s cast members would say, “truth and time”

Wishing for morning sickness, am I crazy?

Hello all, nothing has really changed here, too bad! I actually told one of my girlfriends that I was hoping to get morning sickness so I know for sure something is changing. She thought I was crazy! I’m sure it didn’t help that she only has a 6 month old child, so the memories of morning sickness are to close to the brain! lol I know I am a little crazy hoping for morning sickness, I just can’t help but want something to change. And something more than sore breast and fatigue (symptoms of PMS and pregnancy). All I can say though, it’s Friday, so it could be worse.

On a side note, I go in for my Dr. appointment on Monday for them to test my progesterone levels. Basically what they are looking for is levels above 15 (according to Dr. Google). If for whatever reason my levels are below 10-15, I will be prescribed progesterone supplements. I have taken these in the past, and they SUCK! Everything about them sucks! You bloat like crazy. I actually put on 15 lbs as a result, and I just finished shedding those unwanted pounds. I seriously hope my levels come back good! Plus, I have read that most people (yes, goggle again, although the paragraph below seems to show otherwise, kinda) that test positive for pregnancy generally have higher levels of progesterone.

Here is what Dr. Google had to say:

“A progesterone test is done to confirm ovulation. When a follicle releases its egg, it becomes what is called a corpus luteum and produces progesterone. A level over 5 probably indicates some form of ovulation, but most doctors want to see a level over 10 on a natural cycle, and a level over 15 on a medicated cycle. There is no mid-luteal level that predicts pregnancy. Some say the test may be more accurate if done first thing in the morning after fasting.” …Average is about 20 at 4 weeks LMP, and 40 at 14 weeks LMP. It is important to note that while a higher progesterone level corresponds with higher pregnancy success rates, one cannot fully predict outcome based on progesterone levels. Progesterone supplementation is unlikely to help if started after a positive pregnancy test.

I guess I have to wait until Monday, so the wait continues…..let’s hope for levels over 20! Even though it is not indicative of pregnancy, if the success rate is better, then I’m all for it!

Oh, what a difference a day makes...kinda!

Last night I went to dinner with a few girlfriends in substitution of wine night. It was really nice to talk and sip some wine and just relax. It was so needed. I actually left dinner feeling empowered and ready to take on the remaining 10 days of this dreaded 2 week wait. 6 days down, 10 to go. I could have handled anything. I was ready!

And let me report, that I successfully went to dinner with 2 fellow smokers, and didn’t smoke! I quit smoking a few weeks back, (although I was never a hard core smoker, it was really nice to have a cig with a drink and a drink with a cig), and have vowed to stay a “non-smoker.” But I had not been put to the test, and hanging with these two gal pals definitely put me to the test. And I passed! Hurrah! I will be the first to admit though, that the wine in my right hand sure didn’t taste the same without its companion in my left hand. It feels terrible to separate something that so obviously works so well together! But scarifies must be made. I’m grateful that I still have Pinot anything in my life! …at least for now J

I headed home from a great night and conducted my nightly rituals, washed my face, put on my PJ’s, rubbed my belly and whispered, swim little guys swim or dig little one dig (for those that don’t understand this reference, I’m referring to the embryo digging into my lining which is known as “implantation”). I know if Christian heard me he would think I lost my mind. Actually, after writing it out, I think maybe I have lost it a little.

Anyway, I went to bed. Around 4 am I woke feeling terrible. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out or be sick. Gross. So, I did what I could to fall asleep (although I never felt like I really did). This morning all I could think was “I wonder what that was about…did the embryo implant?” blaa blaa. Damn, back to thinking and over thinking everything and anything. “Can I smell those flowers at my desk more than I did the other day?” Yet another pregnancy symptom that I do or don’t have. This is complete madness! Good god, will this ever end.

Where is Pinot Grigo when I need her!

I’m back! I keep getting these little cramps. They hurt and I rub my belly and they seem to go away. Weird. Isn’t too early to experience PMS and the wonders of getting your period? What is going on? Not to worry, I’ll ask Dr. Google and see what he has to say…

Well, Dr. Google states that the pain can be caused by several things, recovery from the IUI procedure, ovaries shrinking in size, implantation J, or your period is preparing itself. So basically, back to the drawing board. Darn you Dr. Google.
So the cramping continues, it almost feels like little needles jabbing me in the lower abdonmen, OUCH! Now I’m tired, all this thinking has me pooped! I need a nap!

I'm Addicted!

Okay, I think I have a problem. I am addicted to GOOGLE! Every day I come into work and I stare at that little blue “e” on my computer screen and it takes everything in me not to click on it and start researching anything and everything. In this age of impatience (I seriously hate the internet today) many of my searches are for fertility stories having to do with pregnancy symptoms. For example, cramping after IUI; not nauseous pregnant; if my breasts are sore am I pregnant; no symptoms pregnancy; IUI and the odds of success, the likelihood of miscarriage (I know, I really need to stop!) I told you I am addicted. You would think what you thinking about a drug addict would you….probably. he he he. The other night Christian totally caught me on an IUI blog, I felt like I just got caught snooping through someone’s Myspace page! Terrible. Anyway, I have put myself on a one search a day limit! I need to start weaning myself off! As of Monday the 22nd, no more searching anything having to do with pregnancy or trying to conceive on Google or any other search engine. What has happened to me! I just can’t imagine why it takes 2 whole weeks to figure this out, I mean really! The have been able to pin point ovulation to the day, what’s with the wait! I am seriously going to die over here!

Is this for real?

Okay, seriously, this pee’ing every 2 minutes has to stop! Is this a symptom of the IUI. What is happening…I can’t believe I still have to wait another 12 day! Still waiting….

Oh, and for those that have heard me mention how kick ass my Doc is, here is a picture of him:

Where should I start?

October 15th

Let’s start at the beginning:

Well, where should I begin…..let’s start with July 2006. I came home one day and felt a little weird. Weird is just the best way to describe it. Anyway, for the sake of not running this story to long, we were in fact pregnant. Unfortunately, a few months later we miscarried. Since that time we have been actively trying to conceive but we no luck.

We started with our OBGYN. She was a really nice, but seemed a little uninvolved and unfamiliar. She put me on all these hormones to help me “sustain” the pregnancy. Needless to say, not only did I gain like 15 lbs, the hormones messed all kinds of stuff up.

Anyway, we finally see the light! Through friends of ours, we were recommended to a fertility specialist. Dr. Werlin a reproductive endocrinologist! (I bet you can’t say that fast 10 times) And let me tell you, what a difference. He is just amazing!
Since it had been about 1 year since our miscarriage, we fell into the “infertility category.” I know, many of you are probably thinking; wait you got pregnant before so how do you possibly need to go to fertility?? Well, refer above. Hormones = all messed up!

So basically, the last year has been a mess. If I saw another thermometer, basal body chart, ovulation test, pregnancy test, OMG! I was going to scream. Oh, and while I am on the things that bugged, let me offer you “non-fertility challenged folks” a bit of advice (all out of love of course!) Please do NOT tell a woman that has pee’d on 300 sticks to “relax” if she just didn’t want it so much it would happen! I seriously had to sit on my hands when I heard that from people. For the record, when you are charting your temps, waiting for LH surges, blaa blaa, it is hard to NOT think about it. (Okay, my rant on that is over now). J

Well, like I was saying before, Dr. Werlin is marvelous! For the first few weeks Christian and I both went through a series of tests to determine what is actually wrong, if anything. And low and behold, I was the problem! I know Christian was excited, but I must say, I was less than thrilled that the “fault” lay on my shoulders.

Dr. Werlin tested all my hormone levels and determined (after many ultrasounds and blood tests at different points in my cycle.) that I had a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Fun! I was put on medication to reduce my male hormone levels (which is a symptom of PCOS) and was advised to “watch my weight” that PCOS is aggravated by weight gain. And worse yet, weight gain was considered anything over 5 lbs. Like, seriously, you have to be kidding! 5lbs? I gain 5llbs in 1 day! One burrito and that scale is up 5 lbs. You have to be joking. Anyway, the problem with PCOS is that in laymen terms, it doesn’t allow you to ovulate. Therefore, we never even had a chance of conceiving. No egg, no baby!

Side Note:
How common is PCOS?
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome affects an estimated 5-10 percent of women of childbearing age and it is a leading cause of infertility. It is the most common endocrinopathy among reproductive age women. As many as 30 percent of women have some characteristics of the syndrome. ** Fun so I am one of the lucky ones! Dr. Werlin said I fell within the 30%.


Let’s fast forward to the more interesting stuff. So I started taking all these meds in order to ovulate. The medication they put you on has some side effects, but nothing unbearable. The thing is though, when you work with a fertility specialist, they do everything for you! No guess work. And to be honest, after the year we have had with all this, it is nice to know that I won’t have to do any of the stuff I had to do in the past. I got to say good bye to all the ovulation tests, thermometers, pregnancy tests, etc. See ya! It was nice.

So on Sat. we went in for a scheduled IUI (intrauterine insemination). I told you, no more guess work. They want to make sure the egg falls and there is sperm there to meet it. They did an ultrasound and saw that my egg was still there but was about ready to drop. Good news! One step closer than we were before, ovulation check! Kinda. Anyway, we had to go in again on Sunday for a second IUI. Dr. Werlin, does back to back IUI’s to ensure that the egg is surrounded by sperm. When we went in on Sun, they did another ultrasound, and viola, egg dropped! Hurrah! Now we are definitely one step closer.

Now, we wait…2 weeks. Although, most of you will never read this blog entry until after we know what happened on Oct 29, and even more than that, after we successfully complete the first trimester of our pregnancy, I thought it would be interesting to see how the events unfold. I will update this entry as often as I can and hope to offer any advice and comfort to any of my friends or family that have or will experience this, you are so not alone!

Soon (hopefully) you’ll all be able to read this blog and enjoy the journey Christian and I are on with us!