Trying to stay positive, but failing miserably

This afternoon was nice relaxing. I went to the spa with my mom and we got facials. It was really nice to spend some one on one time with her. I felt refreshed and glowing. See what a 100 dollars could buy you! lol...we went shopping for unneeded Christmas decorations, it was nice...but now, well now I am just nervous about all of this.

I am trying to stay positive but I must admit, every little twinge, ache, cramp is over analyzed. I just want to prepare myself for what may come. I guess I just have never wanted something to work out so bad. I mean, at least not something so meaningful and something I want to give to others equally. I guess it is just hard sometimes to look at Christian and think I may never be able to do this for us. My body just isn't strong enough without some divine intervention. Or, even my parents. Never being able to give them the ability to be grandparents. It just feels like a lot of pressure. And ultimately, it is out of my hands. I am praying a lot and hope that god is on our side with this.

Sorry, for the depressing post, I'm a little out of sorts. Hopefully tomorrow my progesterone level check will get me back to thinking I can do this! Until then...